How to Reflect on Progress, Goals, Habit-Building, and Behaviour Change

We often talk about setting goals, building habits and changing behaviours. We talk less about how to reflect properly while you're in it, especially when things don't go exactly to plan. In this post, I'm sharing how I reflect on progress in a structured way, using three real examples from my own work and life.

They're intentionally imperfect, because reflection isn't about proving success, it's about learning what's actually happening so you can celebrate the small wins and adjust intentionally.

Why structured reflection matters

Random thoughts can be useful, but to really learn and improve, you need structure and a framework. Useful reflection looks at:

• intention vs reality

• behaviour rather than personality

• what's in your control vs what isn't

• what to keep, adjust, or stop

How you reflect depends on what you're reviewing (the structure stays the same, but the focus changes):

• Single events or projects: Focus on planning, execution, outcomes, and professional learnings

• Habit-building: Focus on consistency, early wins, tools or routines, and progress over time

• Behaviour change: Focus on mindset shifts, barriers, trial-and-error, and longer term impact

Why I'm sharing this as a Confidence and Communication Coach

You might wonder why I'm sharing reflections that are messy, imperfect, and reveal my struggles. As a coach, I could have polished these lessons, presented only the wins, and given a perfect image of what coaching looks like. But that's not the reality of learning, growth, or reflection.

I'm sharing this unfiltered version because real confidence and sustainable progress come from seeing what actually happens, not just what we hope happens. I want to show that reflection isn't about perfection - it's about noticing patterns, understanding behaviour and making adjustments in real time.

There can also be a subtle pressure as a coach to aways show up as "fully confident" and polished. Worried that sharing reflections like this could affect whether a client wants to work with them.

I want to be clear: showing your learning process doesn't make you less professional. It makes you more human and relatable. Part of what makes coaching effective is being human, noticing what's working, what isn't, and adjusting. It's about modelling the process I ask my clients to practise themselves.

Example 1: Projects / Single Events: Post workshop reflection

Original intention

The goal of this workshop was to build a partnership with a local organisation and run two goal setting workshops in January. The wider intention was to support people to be more intentional with their goals, while also building visibility and credibility for my coaching work.

My success criteria included a mix of tangible outcomes and qualitative goals. Over the two workshops, I aimed for:

• 10 people at the first location

• 5 people at the second

• to deliver the workshops with confidence, reflected in clear explanations and steady facilitation

• high level of participant engagement throughout the workshops

• thoughtful contributions, reflected in the quality of discussions and questions

• to gain at least 1 client from each of the workshops

What actually happened

Only one person attended, and the session ran as a more personalised one to one, rather than a group workshop.

From a numbers perspective, the original workshop format didn't happen. From a delivery perspective, the session itself went well. The participant was engaged, reflective, and left with clear goals and actions.

What I learned

The biggest learning wasn't about changing my coaching approach. It was noticing at times that I overthought my questions, rather than trusting my instincts and the flow of the conversation.

That didn't negatively affect the session, but it reminded me that confidence in coaching often shows up as presence, not "clever" questions.

I also learned that I can adapt a session easily from a workshop format into a one to one. That's not something I would have said about myself five years ago - if something didn't go to plan, I felt thrown and overly focused on sticking to the original structure. This experience showed me how much my confidence has grown.

Even though the workshop didn't go as planned, I am still celebrating this as a small win, and thinking more about what I want to do differently next time.

What I'd do differently

The advertising of the session was limited, and so I want to explore how I can have more impact on the visibility of the event.

Example 2: Habit-Building: Daily planning and prioritisation

Original intention

The bigger picture intention is to maintain my wellbeing and sustainable energy so I can support my work, grow my business, and still have a life outside of it. In 2025, I was working continuously, knowing it wasn't really sustainable.

By the end of 2026, I want to have a much healthier relationship with work. One where I'm not working seven days a week, and where my schedule supports growth, not just delivery. This habit building goal felt like the right place to start because long term change happens through small, consistent adjustments rather than dramatic shifts.

At this stage, success isn't about having a perfect routine, or working fewer days yet (see behaviour change reflection below..). My success criteria for this phase are:

• using a planning system consistently rather than abandoning it

• planning for the week ahead and adjusting throughout the week

What I actually changed

I moved away from a spreadsheet and manual planning tools and started using a task management app  (Todoist) that opens automatically when I turn on my computer. That small change meant planning became more visible and harder to forget.

I shifted from long, overwhelming to-do lists to daily non-negotiables. Instead of asking, "what should I do today?", I asked, "what is realistic today, given my client load and energy?".

Using the task management app, I made a clear distinction between objectives (what I wanted to achieve by the end of 2026), key results (the goals to get there) and daily tasks (e.g., contact x venue to discuss availability"), so I could see the full picture and plan my week realistically.

What's working so far

I've been using the system consistently for a few weeks, which already tells me something important. In the past, I would set something up with good intentions and then quietly stop using it.

I'm also noticing that when I don't complete something, I'm more likely to move it intentionally rather than pushing myself to do it, or moving it with guilt. That's a huge shift for me.

What's been challenging

One challenge is that I tend to plan my week on Thursday, which is a higher energy day as it is a day with fewer clients. When the week then includes heavy client days, those intentions don't always hold.

In the past, this mismatch would lead me to abandon the whole system. This time, I'm staying with it and treating those moments as information rather than failure.

What I'm learning

The key learning here is that habit building works best for me when I set myself guidelines, but that flexibility is built in from the start. This isn't about discipline or motivation, it's about designing a system that works with fluctuating energy and a client heavy diary, not against it.

I'm also learning that consistency doesn't mean doing the same thing everyday. It means returning to the intention even when something changes.

What I'll adjust next

The next step is to refine how I plan around low energy, client heavy days and to be more realistic about what growth activities can happen alongside delivery.

This is part of a longer transition, I'm not trying to fix everything at once. I'm slowly changing how I work so that by the end of 2026, the routine I want is in place.

Example 3: Behaviour change: Boundaries, energy, and sustainability

Original intention

The longer term intention is to maintain my wellbeing and sustainable energy so I can do this work long term and grow in ways that matter to me, such as more face to face workshops and higher value coaching.

By the end of 2026, I don't want to be working seven days a week. I want my schedule to support both delivery and growth, without constant exhaustion. This means setting better boundaries.

This behaviour change matters because the way I work now directly affects what I will be able to build later.

At this stage, success is not about immediately reducing my working days. My success criteria for this phase are:

• creating clearer boundaries around work and rest

• designing time off that actually allows recovery

• noticing when "rest time" turns into work and why

Current reality (and why this is a behaviour issue, not a practical one)

Right now, I'm still working seven days a week.

I can't remove days from my diary overnight without affecting existing long standing clients. And for me, this isn't just about blocking days in my calendar.

Saying, "I don't work those days" represents a bigger mental shift around responsibility, security, and how I see my role with clients. I've built my work around being available, flexible, and reliable. Changing that isn't just a scheduling decision, it challenges how I define professionalism and care.

There's also a financial and emotional layer. Turning down work or changing availability triggers my anxiety around stability and letting people down, even when I know the change is reasonable.

That means, for me, boundary setting is not about willpower or habits. It's about unlearning patterns that equate availability with value, and replacing them with a more sustainable definition of good work.

So I'm in a transition phase. Alongside a client heavy schedule, I'm also building my business, which requires additional time and energy. This means I'm often balancing delivery and growth at the same time, which reinforces how unsustainable the current setup is.

What's been challenging

One experiment was deciding that Friday mornings would be a "morning off", with no client sessions booked.

In theory, this created space. In practice, I filled that time with admin and business tasks. I realised that although I wasn't with clients, I also wasn't resting. I noticed that having a client session in the afternoon made it harder to mentally switch off in the morning and the time didn't feel like time off.

The fact I'm writing this blog on a day that was meant to be a day off reinforces how deeply ingrained my patterns are.

The biggest challenge remains the mindset. I know what I should do, but I often find myself staring at my next week's calendar unsure how to add in rest. And when I do remove availability from my calendar, a few days later, I find myself adjusting my calendar again to offer "just one more hour".

What I'm learning

I already knew that this wasn't a time management issue, but a behaviour and identity shift - this challenge has reminded me this and that it isn't easy to change (but more important than ever). They key to genuine behaviour change is to address the structure and the mindset at the same time.

I'm also learning that partial time off doesn't work particularly well for me when the time off is in the morning. A morning off still keeps me in work-mode and to properly reset, I need either:

• a full afternoon off, or

• a clearly defined admin day that is separate from rest

What I'll adjust next

I'm focusing on gradual, structural changes that help me practise new behaviours safely. In practical terms, that means:

• making boundaries visible and non-negotiable - I've added blocks in my diary that are clearly labeled as time off, and I'm treating them like client appointments. I've colour-coded them so my brain treats them differently to flexible work blocks

• experimenting with small changes instead of trying to change everything at once. Currently, I'm testing one consistent boundary (Thursday afternoons "off" and Friday mornings "admin")

• separating responsibility from availability (affirming this when I have the urge to add "just one more hour" by telling myself "my value isn't measured by how much I can squeeze into a calendar. It's measured by the quality and consistency of what I do sustainably")

• continuing to reflect on emotional reactions to saying no, not just the outcomes - I've added a task on my management app once a week for a short end-of-week reflection (what worked, what felt hard, what I learned)

• accountability without pressure - sharing my boundary with my coach and asking them to check in on my behaviour (not outcomes) to give myself external reinforcement without making me feel like I failed if a client asks for an extra session

• celebrating sticking to boundaries (even small ones)

Closing reflections

None of these reflections are finished, and that's intentional.

Progress doesn't usually show up as neat before and after moments, but more like noticing patterns, questioning assumptions, and adjusting how you respond while you're still in it.

This process has reminded me that reflection is most useful when it's honest, structured and ongoing. It's not about judgement or blame.

Whether you're reflecting on a single project, a habit you're trying to build, or a deeper behaviour change like boundaries, the questions stay largely the same. What changes is the patience you give yourself while the shift is happening.

If you're navigating something similar and want space to reflect, contact me for a structured reflection and lessons learnt session.