Advice is the Laziest Form of Engagement

There's a pattern I've noticed more and more in my work with clients. They share their work, their goals, or their current focus, and almost immediately someone offers advice.

Not all advice is bad - some is thoughtful, asked for, and genuinely useful. But there are times where advice is unsolicited and given without enough understanding of the context. And whilst this often comes from a well-meaning place, it can feel surprisingly undermining.

My client's story

I was working with a client who runs her own business. Over a short period of time, she had three separate conversations where she talked about what she'd been building and how she wanted to grow it. Each time, she was met with advice.

She didn't ask for advice, she were simply explaining her work and her direction. The people she was speaking to weren't experts in her field or in business, but they confidently offered suggestions about what my client should do next.

None of the advice was malicious - it was framed as "helpful" and supportive. But my client left the conversations feeling a little frustrated and second-guessing herself.

"what am I doing wrong that everyone feels they need to give me advice? Am I speaking in a way that makes it seem I'm not good enough or that I need help?"

Why it felt personal

It wasn't just about advice, but it touched on something deeper. My client is experienced, she's done the work, and she's earned her place. But instead of listening with curiosity, people went straight to positioning themselves as an expert.

The problem is that it created an invisible hierarchy. One person became the expert, and the other became the one who needed help.

"So, why does everyone give me advice?"

Because advice is the laziest form of engagement. Curiosity takes effort, advice is easy.

Curiosity means listening, asking questions, and genuinely trying to understand someone's context. Curiosity sounds like:

"That's interesting, what made you choose that direction?"

"What's working well for you at the moment?"

Advice skips all of that and goes straight to "here's what you should do".

Advice makes people feel useful, smart, and relevant very quickly. Especially in networking settings, people often feel the need to perform and add value, and advice is the fasted way to do that.

The impact on confidence at work

When this happens repeatedly, people start internalising it. They wonder if they're bad at explaining themselves, they soften their language, over-justify their decisions, or even stop speaking altogether.

Unsolicited advice is not feedback on your competence, it's information about the other person's way of engaging.

But without the reframe, this can quietly affect confidence, especially for capable people who already listen well and create space for others.

What I noticed when we looked at this together

When I practised these conversation with my client, it was clear she wasn't doing anything wrong, but I noticed two things:

1. My client is experienced, reflective, and a good communicator

She asks good questions, listens well, and validates other people's perspectives.

That creates a safe, open space, and some people respond to that space with curiosity while others respond by filling the space. And the easiest thing to fill the space with is advice (especially people who like to hear themselves think, or who are used to positioning themselves as experts)

2. She was leaving the door open

When she talked about her work, she explained what she did, but she didn't anchor it with her authority or results, unless she was explicitly asked. Not because she wanted to hide it, but because it feels unnecessary or uncomfortable to say out loud.

So instead of hearing confidence and clarity, the other person heard an opening to suggest, compare, and add value.

That didn't mean my client was wrong. It meant she was being open, and openness can sometimes read as available for input.

What we worked on in coaching

We focused on helping her talk about her work in a way that closed the loop, rather than leaving it open. She practiced anchoring her experience without sounding defensive or boastful. She also got comfortable gently redirecting conversations back to curiosity when advice wasn't wanted.

We also worked on helping her stop personalising the behaviour that was never about her in the first place.

Confidence in the workplace isn't about shutting people down or becoming harder, but about knowing when to listen, when to engage, and when not to take something on.

If reading this made you think, "that's me" and you want to feel more confident in how you communicate and hold your authority at work, coaching can help. If you're curious about what coaching with me looks like, DM me.

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