Is Talking About Confidence Un-British?

A new client said something recently that really made me pause. She told me that when she first came across my LinkedIn posts, she assumed I was American. It was only when she clicked onto my profile that she realised I was actually British.

There is nothing in my posts that suggests I'm American. I don't use American spelling, I don't reference working in America. I just talk about confidence, speaking up at work, and being the best version of yourself.

So I found myself wondering... why did that assumption feel so easy to make?

What we quietly learn about confidence in the UK

In the UK, a lot of us grow up learning that confidence should be subtle. You don't want to show off or make things awkward. You're encouraged to work hard, keep your head down, and hope the right people notice.

And for women especially, confidence often comes with a silent checklist.

Be confident, but not too confident ✅

Speak up, but don't dominate ✅

Share achievements, but soften them so you still come across as nice ✅

There's also something very everyday about how this shows up. Think about how we respond to compliments in the UK.

Someone says, "omg I love your outfit" and we say, "thanks, I got it on sale!!" or "oh really? it's so old".

"Your hair is so nice" becomes, "thanks, I washed it".

We soften the moment and explain it away, almost as if just accepting the compliment would be too much.

That habit doesn't come from nowhere. It's another small lesson in not standing out, not boasting, not taking ownership of something positive without qualifying it. And over time, those tiny moments add up. They shape how comfortable we feel acknowledging our value (even to ourselves).

So when someone talks openly about confidence, ambition, or visibility, it can feel a bit.... unfamiliar. And unfamiliar things often get labelled.

Sometimes that label is "un-British".

Sometimes it's "a bit American".

I don't think this is actually about nationality

At first, I thought my client assuming I was American was about me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realised this probably isn't about nationality at all. It's about what we've been taught is acceptable to say out loud.

Somehow, clarity, self-belief, and talking openly acknowledging your value have become things we associate with other cultures. As if confidence has a postcode and belongs somewhere else, not here.

But confidence isn't loud or flashy. And it DEFINITELY isn't owned by one country (especially not America...). At it's core, it's just trusting yourself enough to take up the space you're already in.

Confidence isn't just about what you say

It's easy to think about confidence as something we show to other people:

how we speak in meetings, how we position ourselves in interviews, the way we talk about our achievements.

But sometimes it's not just about holding back in front of others. It's also about how we speak to ourselves. Even noticing that you feel happy with yourself, or that you can speak about your experience with quiet assurance, is a kind of confidence that doesn't always feel "British".

The very idea that you can trust your own value, that you can acknowledge your achievements without apology, challenges the norms we've been taught. That internal dialogue (telling yourself your story matters ), is just as powerful as anything you say out loud.

How this shows up at work

I see this constantly with my coaching clients. People who downplay their impact in meetings, who struggle to talk about their achievements without joking or minimising them, who wait to be recognised instead of clearly stating what they bring.

Not because they aren't capable. But because they're worried about how they'll come across. Confidence becomes something to manage, rather than something to practise.

The problem is, staying quiet has consequences. Good ideas don't get heard and decisions get led by the most-confident sounding voices, not necessarily the most thoughtful ones. And over time, people start questioning themselves, even when they're doing really solid work.

A reflection to leave you with

So maybe talking about confidence isn't un-British at all. Maybe it just challenges an old idea of what professionalism is supposed to look like.

And maybe that's the point. The discomfort isn't about you. It's about a culture that still struggles with women and professionals claiming their space, internally and externally.

Sitting with that feeling, without needing to change it or justify it, can be its own kind of insight. What does it reveal about the assumptions we've inherited? About how we relate to ourselves?

You don't have to become louder or more 'confident' overnight. Sometimes it starts with noticing where you hold back and why.

If you're curious about how this shows up for you at work, my one-hour mini coaching session can help you explore it and decide your next step.

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