When logic isn't enough: a coaching tool that helps with decision making

A lot of the clients I work with are logical, thoughtful, capable people.

They are good at weighing up pros and cons, they understand consequences, and are not impulsive decision makers.

But, they often come to coaching feeling stuck. And usually, it's not because they don't understand their options - it's because logic is competing with emotion, responsibility, guilt, or fear (and logic is losing).

In those moments, adding even more thinking rarely helps, and this is where coaching can help.

The three door exercise

When someone feels stuck between options, I sometimes use a visualising exercise called the three door exercise

We imagine three doors in front of us.

Behind each door is a different option. Not just what would happen practically, but what it would feel like to walk through it.

It's not about picking the "right" door, and it's not about picking the option that's most impressive or socially acceptable. The point of this exercise is to notice which door someone feels drawn towards when they quieten the mental noise and stop arguing with themselves.

Why this works (when pros and cons don't)

On paper, a lot of the decisions people bring to coaching are not complex. What makes them difficult is usually the layers underneath.

Guilt about letting someone down,

Fear of being selfish (or seen as selfish),

A sense of responsibility that feels heavier than it needs to,

Discomfort with asking for help or saying no.

The three door exercise helps to separate the practical decision from the emotional weight attached to it. When clients walk through each door and talk through each option, I notice how their language and energy changes, and the option they keep coming back to.

I then hold a mirror up to reflect this back to them (because people rarely notice these patterns themselves). This them gives them a clearer picture of what to do - not because I've told them, but because they've given themselves permission to be honest about what they actually want, and what they might be avoiding.

Examples of how I've used this in coaching

Coaching is a protected space, and confidentiality is really important. To protect this, the examples below are based on real situations I see regularly in coaching, with details changed.

Scenario 1: The holiday handover

A client is preparing to take annual leave, but they are still holding responsibility for a piece of work that affects a wider project. If they wait until they return, it will slow the progress of the project. If they ask someone to take over responsibility for the task, the work can move forward, but the person they would have to ask already has a full workload.

When they raise it with their manager, the response is that either option would be fine.

Logically, both options are acceptable, but emotionally the decision feels uncomfortable. There is guilt attached to delaying progress of the project, and there is guilt attached to asking for help from someone who is already at full capacity. There is also a sense of responsibility that doesn't just switch off because leave has been approved.

Using the three door exercise in situations like this helps make the emotional trade offs visible. One option might feel uncomfortable in the short-term, but allow space to relax later. The other option might feel easier initially, but carry a lingering sense of responsibility.

Seeing these patterns side by side often gives clients a clearer picture of what feels most aligned with what they actually want, without suggesting that any one choice is right or wrong.

Scenario 2: Visibility and Ownership

A client is leading a piece of work, but part of it falls outside their usual role. They can either continue to own it quietly themselves, even though it stretches them and pulls focus from other priorities, or they can raise it and ask for additional support or clarity around ownership.

Neither option is wrong and what makes this difficult is not capability, but perception.

There is a fear of being seen as unable to cope, there is discomfort around asking for support, and pressure to appear competent and reliable.

When we use the three door exercise here, the client often notices how each option feels differently in the body and mind - what feels comfortable and uncomfortable.

Reading these scenarios, you might have an immediate response, "I would do this".

That's natural and what matters isn't which option is the "correct" one, but noticing what each choice feels like emotionally and practically, and which feelings you might be avoiding.

And if it felt easy for you to make this choice, it's important thing to remember that someone else's difficult decision isn't yours. Even if you think you know what you would do in that situation, the choice belongs to the person facing it. And my job as a coach isn't to tell them what feels right for me, but to help the client clarify what feels right for them.

The part people underestimate

The tool alone is not the work. What matters is the space around it:

The pausing

The noticing

The questions that follow

The chance to say things out loud without judgement

A lot of the time, once the decision is clear, the real work becomes practical:

• how to ask for help in a way that feels respectful,

• how to reduce the burden on the other person

• how to practice the conversation so it feels doable rather than daunting

Some people worry that coaching is vague, or that they already know what the problem is so coaching won't help. Tools like this show what coaching actually looks like in practice.

It's not about being told what to do, or about having someone else make decisions for you. It's about creating enough clarity and calm to make decisions you can stand behind.

Most people don't struggle with making decisions because they lack capability. It's because they care. So when emotion clouds judgement, having a structure to slow down, reflect, and listen to yourself can be enough to move forward.

If you're curious about coaching, and what that could look like for you, get in touch.

Start with a one-hour mini coaching session to get clarity, practical guidance, and clear next steps. No pressure, just focused support.

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