When people see you as "the strong one", but sometimes you just want someone to celebrate with you

I've noticed something over the past few years, and it came up a few times again recently. Whenever I share something I'm excited about, especially a new idea or something I'm trying for myself, there are quite a few people around me who jump too quickly into advice mode. They question the approach, point out what might not work, or give me advice that I haven't actually asked for.

It happened again today (hence this blog..). I was telling someone about a new productivity method I'm trying for 2026. I'm really excited about it and so far, I'm happy with how it is helping me think differently about my priorities. But almost straight away, the conversation shifted from me sharing something positive to them critiquing it.

The method I'm using is based on having a small list of non negotiables, rather than a long never-ending to-do list. It's quite common language in self-help and business spaces, and I've been especially influenced by Grace Beverley's Productivity Method, which talks a lot about focusing on what really matters. But the person I was speaking to didn't like the wording used in the method, especially the idea of calling something "non negotiable", and the conversation very quickly shifted into them asking what happens when I don't do something that is "non negotiable", instead of sharing the moment with me.

And when I pushed back a little and asked why they were being so critical, they said something like, "I wouldn't say this to someone I don't know well, but I know you can handle it".

When people see you as the "strong one"; resilient, confident or capable, they often assume that you don't need encouragement. They assume you want challenge, insight, critique, guidance, analysis, advice. They assume you are fine, that you can absorb it, and that you don't really need that softer response.

But sometimes you're not looking for challenge at all. Sometimes you just want someone to listen or to say, "that sounds great, I'm happy for you, good luck.".

Sometimes you just want someone to sit with you in the feeling of being proud of yourself for trying something new.

What can happen over time is that you start noticing patterns like:

• people move straight into problem solving instead of listening

• wins turn into conversations about improvement

• you become the person who can "handle it"

• and celebrations quietly disappear

And when that happens often enough, it can make you think twice about sharing things at all. Not because you're fragile or unsure of yourself. But because you don't have the energy to always defend yourself, justify or explain something that, in that moment, feels meaningful to you.

I'm quite a resilient person, if I may say so myself. I can be a bit sensitive in the moment, but I tend to process things like this fairly quickly. I'm lucky that my best friend is my biggest cheerleader and balances a lot of that noise for me. she'll listen to me rant when I need to get something off my chest, and she'll also jump around excitedly with me when I have a new idea (and jump around a second, third, and even fourth time when the idea changes and evolves for the nth time. But it still made me reflect on how common this experience probably is for a lot of people, especially if like me you already appear strong, capable or self aware.

It made me question some things...

Why do some people default to critique instead of curiosity?

Is it a habit? Personality? Insecurity? A belief that growth only comes from challenge? A belief that you aren't capable to work things out on your own?

What assumptions do we make about people who seem confident or resilient?

Do we unconsciously assume they don't need softness, reassurance, encouragement, or acknowledgement?

How does this show up at work?

Because this isn't just about friends and family. It can appear in meetings, performance conversations, leadership feedback and even everyday team interactions.

And how much does that dull someone who has potential? How often does it stop them from being creative, taking the initiative or growing? Even when failure feels inevitable, it's worth remembering that it only helps you grow.

Sometimes the most helpful response isn't advice or analysis. It's presence. It's recognition. It's allowing someone to enjoy the moment they're in without immediately directing them towards the next improvement.

Being resilient doesn't mean you don't need encouragement. It doesn't mean you never want validation or warmth. And it doesn't mean that every idea you share is an invitation for constructive challenge.

For me, the learning isn't about shutting people out or becoming defensive. It's more about being clearer with myself and others about what I actually need in certain moments. Sometimes that might be, "right now, I'm not looking for feedback, I just want to share something I'm happy about." or it might be, "yes, challenge me, I'm ready for that kind of conversation." or even, "what do you think? what would you do?" Both can exist. Strength and softness. Resilience and support. Growth and celebration.

And maybe part of confidence is recognising that it's okay to ask for the one you need.

If this resonates, especially as we start a new year and share our goals or ideas with the people around us, just remember: stay excited, protect your energy, and trust yourself. There are people out there who will cheer you on, and that's the support that really counts.

If you want support with managing situations like this, building your confidence, or preparing for interviews, get in touch.

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