Why do I feel nervous when I speak even though I know I'll be okay?

Beverley
6 days ago
3 min read

Photo of Beverley from Coached by Beverley smiling at the camera

You know you're fine. You know it's not a big deal. You know people aren't analysing you the way it feels.

But.. the moment you start speaking, your body reacts anyway. Your chest tightens, your voice shakes, your confidence seems to disappear.

This is the frustrating part for many people. It doesn't feel logical. You can explain to yourself why there's nothing to worry about, but knowing you're fine and feeling fine are not the same thing.

Why do I feel nervous when I speak even though I know I'll be okay?

If you feel nervous when you speak, despite knowing you're fine, it's not because you lack confidence, intelligence, or experience. It's because your body is responding faster than your thoughts can keep up.

Most people in this position are highly self aware. They have reflected, read, listened to podcasts, maybe even coached themselves through the logic. They can say things like, "everyone makes mistakes", "people are focused on themselves", "I've done this before and survived". And still... their heart races and their voice shakes.

This is why mindset work alone doesn't solve the issue. Mindset advice assumes that if you can just think differently, your body will follow. For some people, that works. For others, it doesn't.

So telling yourself to, "calm down", "stop overreacting" or "there's nothing to be nervous about" often adds more pressure, rather than relieving it. Now you're not only nervous, you're also frustrated with yourself for being nervous.

And this is often where I see people blaming themselves or believing there is something wrong with them. Spoiler alert: there isn't.

A coaching approach that actually helps

Effective confidence coaching works with the body, not against it. Instead of trying to get rid of nerves, it focuses on helping your nervous system relearn what is actually safe.

This involves practical, small-scale experiences where you speak in manageable situations and notice the outcome. This approach is slower than quick tips, but it creates more sustainable confidence. The aim is not to feel amazing every time you speak. The aim is to feel steady enough to speak anyway, and then let your body update its expectations gradually. Here's what that looks like in practice:

Changing your relationship with nerves

When you stop seeing nerves as a problem and start treating them as a guide, your attention moves from worrying about appearance to focusing on your message. Over time, the body learns that speaking does not equal danger, and you will naturally feel more confident.

Moving from knowing to feeling

The key to sustainable confidence is experience. Each small speaking success provides your body with the evidence it needs to match your mind's understanding. This creates a cycle of reassurance that strengthens over time. You don't lack confidence. Your nervous system just hasn't caught up with your logic yet. By giving it consistent, safe experiences, you allow confidence to grow organically.

Reflection

If confidence came from understanding alone, you would already have it. The real change happens when your nervous system confirms what your mind already knows. Next time you speak, notice the physical sensations, allow them, and pay attention to what actually happens. The observation itself behind the process of turning knowledge into felt confidence.

Try this: Name it, Claim it, Release it

Name it
Pause before speaking and quietly acknowledge the physical sensation. Naming it helps you separate yourself from the feeling
Claim it
Accept the feeling as normal and temporary. You might say to yourself, "it's okay that I feel this. It doesn't mean I'm not capable or that I'll fail".
Release it
Take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. Change your posture or take a grounding moment (examples below). Speak your thought.

Grounding moments you might like to try

Put both of your feet on the floor and feel your weight on each foot
Slowly roll your shoulders to release tension
Stretch to reset your body
Press your palms together to create a small, tactile sensation that reminds you that you're safe