Stop Fighting Your Nerves. Do This Instead.

If you've ever felt your face heat up, your voice tighten and shake, or your heart race while speaking, you'll know how tempting it is to try make it stop.

"how do I stop my cheeks going red?"

"how do I stop my voice shaking when I speak?"

"how do I get rid of nerves?"

"how do I calm myself down in the moment?"

all logical questions, but they're also the wrong ones. It's not because nerves don't matter, but because actually trying to fix them in real time can make it even worse.

What's happening in those moments

There is nothing wrong or "broken" with you. Physical reactions like blushing, shaking, or a rush of heat are what the body is designed to do under pressure.

When you focus on the reaction and think things like,

"can they tell how nervous I am? am I going red? what are they going to think?",

you're monitoring yourself instead of being present with what you're saying. And that self-monitoring tends to increase the tension, disrupt your pacing and pull attention away from your message. A lot of advice focuses on "calming down" or "controlling your nerves" but you can't just switch off adrenaline mid-sentence. And when you try, the reaction can end up lasting longer and feeling more intense. The opposite of what we're trying to do, right?

Why "fixing it" isn't the goal

When we're nervous, it's natural to look for a shortcut or a hack that will instantly calm the body. You've probably tried some of these:

1. Take a deep breath: It can help you slow down for a moment, but it doesn't make the adrenaline disappear. If your focus is still on "I'm nervous", the breath won't change how you feel.

2. Force a smile: Smiling can signal confidence, but only if your attention is on connecting with your audience. Smiling itself doesn't stop your heart racing or your cheeks flushing

3. Pause: Pausing can help with timing, but pausing just to hide nerves can draw attention to the reaction instead of the message.

4. Avoid eye contact: Looking down or away seems safer, but it can signal insecurity and your body will struggle to relax if you're trying to disappear.

5. Positive self-talk or pep talks: Saying "I'm fine" to yourself can be helpful if you're already grounded, but repeating it while you're spiralling does nothing.

Quick fixes can be tools, but only if they help you centre your attention. They aren't the solution themselves.

So, instead of seeing your reactions as a problem, see them as your body doing what it's supposed to do under pressure. The goal isn't to stop the reaction but to stay steady and present while it's happening.

This means learning how to:

• keep your pace and flow

• finish your sentences even if your voice shakes

• stay connected to your point, not to your reaction

• hold your presence

When your attention is on what matters (your words, your body, your presence), the reaction often settles on its own. Not because you forced it or did anything magical, just because it's not the focus anymore.

How to practice it

You can approach this on two levels:

1. Before the moment

   • Notice your triggers:

     Identify them: Is it questions? certain people? technical issues?

     Name the reaction: “when xx happens, I get tense and my hands shake”

     Plan a response: Decide how you’ll respond calmly without judging yourself. E.g., pausing and restating the question before answering.Practise under realistic pressure. Speak out loud, record yourself, or rehearse in front of someone

     
     

   • Anchor yourself physically:

     Posture check: Feet grounded, shoulders relaxed

     Voice cue: Practise speaking at a calm, even pace

     Small physical anchor: e.g., press your palm lightly, or feel the fabric of your top - something you can return to if you feel the tension creeping in.

     
     

2. During the moment

   • Notice the reaction but don't judge it:

     Name it: “my cheeks are red - completely normal”

     Refocus your attention: look at the audience or your content, not your reflection in the monitor

     Keep moving forward: continue speaking, guiding the room, connecting with the audience.Keep your focus on what you can influence (your words, pace, presence, connection with the audience)

     
     

   • Trust yourself and know that credibility isn't tied to your reactions

Even with practise, your reactions will still happen, but they won't control you. You can speak, lead, or present confidently even when your body reacts.

This isn't about becoming someone who never reacts. Real confidence is not "never being nervous" but being able to show up and stay present even when you're nervous.

This is where coaching can be helpful. Not because it removes nerves, but because it gives you a space to practise staying present when nerves show up. You're learning how to stay present when your body reacts, how to keep your message clear, and how to hold your authority without needing everything to feel calm first.

Not sure if coaching is right for you?

Start with a one-hour mini coaching session to get clarity, practical guidance, and clear next steps. No pressure, just focused support.

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