Why do I feel less confident or intimidated around certain people at work?

You don't feel like this with everyone. You can walk into a meeting with colleagues you know well and speak with confidence. You can answer questions, give advice, even challenge ideas.

And then there's that person.

More senior, more experienced, more assertive, more confident, paid more, respected more... and suddenly you feel different. You prepare more than usual, you overthink your words, you explain yourself more, and you double-check things you already know. You find yourself apologising or softening your statements and leave the conversation replaying everything you said.

It's subtle, maybe even invisible, but it's exhausting.

I used to work in HR, supporting people who were more senior, more experienced, and often paid a lot more than me. I had to give advice I wasn't always 100% sure about, and I quickly learned that the person in the room (their presence, their confidence, and their status) could make my stomach tighten and my words stumble.

Now, as a coach helping professionals communicate with confidence, I see the same pattern in others. It's not about skill, it's about how your mind reacts to hierarchy and perceived authority.

This isn't a failure of skill or confidence, it's a mental pattern. A lot of the time, your brain isn't reacting to hierarchy itself, but to the idea that this person might judge you, see a gap in your knowledge, or think you don't belong. Your internal authority quietly steps back, even if you know your stuff and your mind prepares to defend or over-explain.

What you might be doing without noticing

Do you catch yourself doing any of these?

• Explaining the obvious, "just to be clear..." or, "I know you know this but..."

• softening statements into questions, "I think we could... maybe?"

• Over-preparing, rehearsing, and double-checking facts before a meeting

• Looking for validation, waiting for permission to speak or for them to nod

• Feeling relief only when they approve or agree

• Running through scenarios in your head long after the meeting is over

These aren't flaws. They're human responses to hierarchy and power dynamics.

The mental shift: you belong in the room

The first step in answering the question, "Why do I feel less confident or intimidated around certain people at work?" is to change how you see yourself, before changing what you do. Here are some simple reminders from me to you.

• Your role has value. You were hired for a reason. Your advice has weight

• Authority is not only about status. You don't need to be the most senior to hold influence. Expertise, preparation, and clarity give you authority in the moment.

• Your perspective is unique. Just because someone has more experience or confidence doesn't make your point or opinion less valid.

• Hierarchy is context, not identity. You are not "less than" anyone in the room because of their role. You're bringing different knowledge and insight

Practising grounded authority

Knowing the mental shift is one thing (you probably already know, right?), but feeling it in the moment takes practice. It takes reframing your thoughts before meetings, noticing your instincts, and giving yourself permission to respond differently. Here are some things to try to make it easier:

A grounding plan for before the conversation

Try this one-minute reset:

1. Put both feet on the floor

2. Breathe in for 4, hold for 4, out for 6. Repeat 3 times

3. Say to yourself slowly, "I am calm. I am equal. I belong here. This is a collaboration. I don't need to perform. I just need to be present and professional."

During the conversation

• Pause before speaking. Let your words land instead of rushing to justify yourself.

• Slow your speech slightly. Calm pacing communicates authority.

• Keep statements as statements. "this is the best approach" rather than, "I think.. maybe.. this could work...? If that makes sense?"

• Reframe nerves. Instead of seeing anxiety as weakness, see it as your brain preparing you to be alert and responsive.

• Reframe the pressure of being evaluated. Remind yourself that you're not expected to know everything and have all the answers. It is perfectly okay to pause, reflect, and follow up later. Even if they notice your uncertainty, it doesn't define your expertise or value.

• Track small wins. Note moments where you spoke clearly or confidently, even if they felt minor.

• Quiet mental reminders. Repeat after me: "I know this. I belong here. My perspective matters."

Over time, these practices help the mental shift stick. You're not forcing authority; you're letting it emerge naturally because your mind and body are aligned.

You might never feel entirely at easy around everyone. But by realising that the fear is not a reflection of your ability, you can show up grounded, credible, and confident, and it will get easier over time.

How coaching can help

Reclaiming your authority isn't about suddenly feeling fearless. It's about gradually retraining your mind and practising new ways of responding. This is where coaching can help:

• Mirror your patterns. A coach can help you notice when the self doubt / imposter feelings / fear of judgement is creeping in and point out exactly how it shows up in your words or body language

• Practice in a safe space. You can experiment with confident statements, small talk, and challenging conversations without the risk of judgement and real-world consequences

• Mental reframing exercises. Coaching often includes techniques to reframe nervous thoughts before, during, and after meetings so the self-doubt / imposter feelings loses its power

• Track progress. Seeing your internal authority strengthen over time builds confidence faster than trying to "just push through" alone.

The goal isn't to remove hierarchy or make everyone like you. It's to make the internal response to hierarchy and self-doubt manageable so your expertise and voice come through naturally.

Curious about coaching?

Start with a one-hour mini coaching session to get clarity, practical guidance, and clear next steps. No pressure, just focused support.

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